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Is Divorce The Only Option For Your Relationship?
Did lockdown spell the end of your relationship? Since lockdown restrictions were lifted, Coop Legal Services have reported that divorce enquiries have increased by 42% overall, with some weeks reaching a staggering 75% increase compared to the same week last year. So, if lockdown is leading to more arguments or unhappiness with your partner and you’re considering splitting up or seeking help from a divorce coach, how do you know whether your marriage is really over?
The Rise In Divorce Cases
Since the lifting of lockdown, divorce enquiries have risen sharply. For some, the lockdown period was a chance to reconnect with their partners and family by spending more time together. For others, lockdown may have felt like entrapment, with almost every conversation leading to an argument and no place to escape. In some cases, lockdown was a chance to reflect on the relationship as a whole. Perhaps it is becoming apparent that you’re both on very different paths.
In the Coop Legal Services study, the main reasons cited for relationship difficulties include financial and employment concerns. This is as well as the stress of spending more time together. This post-lockdown increase follows the same pattern of the most popular time for divorce enquiries which is in the first week of January. Typically, after the stress and time together during the Christmas holidays, unhappy couples begin to seek divorce.
The latest study also found that many people spent lockdown conducting mediation activities and seeking support from a relationship therapist or a divorce coach, before making that final decision to start legal proceedings after lockdown.
Of course, divorce is not a decision to make lightly. So, if you’re unsure, how can you make sure you are doing the right thing?
Is Your Marriage Over? 7 Signs That It May Be Time To Divorce
1. You Avoid The Issues
While arguing all the time isn’t healthy, neither is not arguing at all. If you and your partner can no longer be bothered to talk and resolve conflict and just avoid it, then this can show that your relationship is in serious trouble. You should both want to fight for the relationship, if the fight has gone out, then you may need relationship therapy, or to consider separation.
2. You’re Trying To Provoke A Fight
When you start trying to push the buttons of your spouse or baiting for a fight, then this can be a sign that you subconsciously want to end the relationship but are too scared to be the one to call time on the marriage. Perhaps you are trying to make your partner jealous or are pushing the boundaries of what is acceptable in the relationship. This is just to push your partner over the limit so they will be the one to do the breaking up.
3. Everything Else Comes First
When you prioritise your children, work, friendships, hobbies and everything else over your marriage, then these all become a wedge between you and your partner. It can show you have little time, energy or desire to put your relationship and partner first.
When everything else is the priority in the relationship, it becomes easy to lose sight of the love and romance you have for each other.
4. You No Longer Use The ‘We’ Word
When you stop seeing you and your partner as a team or a couple and focus solely on ‘me’ and ‘them’, then this is a crucial indicator that a relationship may be over.
In fact, studies have shown that it is possible to predict the break up of a relationship based on the pronouns that couples use. If your mentality focuses on ‘I’, ‘me’ and ‘mine’ and you no longer use the terms ‘our’ ‘we’ or ‘us’, then that is a stark warning sign of how you really view your own relationship.
5. You’re Planning Your Exit
Whether it’s a secret savings account or you keep looking at properties to rent or buy, then it shows that you’re already looking for the ways to get out of the relationship. While independence is great, if you’re not fully invested in your marriage, then it does show that you may have already checked out of the relationship.
6. They’re No Longer Your Go-To
If you have amazing new or bad news, who is the first person you want to share this with? If this is no longer your spouse, then this shows a huge disconnect in your marriage. Your partner should be the one you rely on and the one you want to share with. If you no longer wish to share the important and special moments in your life with that person, then it may be time to seek help through a divorce coach on your next steps.
7. You’re Holding On To Resentment
Every relationship will have its challenging moments. However, a healthy relationship will mean that you can forgive and move on. However, if you or your partner cannot move past specific issues, or you are holding on to resentment, which is brought up regularly, then it may be time to seek help. If you’re struggling to move past an issue, then a relationship therapist may be able to help. If there are multiple issues that you cannot forgive, then it may be time to consider divorce.
Is Divorce Your Next Step?
Whether it is a mutual decision or a clean break, divorce can be an incredibly emotional and stressful time. A break-up can take a huge toll on your mental health. To help you navigate this moment of change and to help you find clarity in your decisions, I offer therapy for relationships. As your Harley Street divorce coach, I’m here to ensure you feel confident, sure and emotionally prepared for the next step; whether that’s working on your relationship or navigating a divorce.
Do You Need A Divorce Coach?
Let’s talk about the situation you’re going through. To learn more about my therapy and work as a divorce coach can help you, book your first free consultation today by emailing firstname.lastname@example.org