Should I Stay Or Go? How To Know When A Relationship Is Worth Fighting For
In the UK, 42% of marriages end in divorce. More worryingly, perhaps, is that 60% of couples claim they are unhappy with their relationship. Furthermore, four out of ten say that they regularly consider leaving their partner. 10% of those surveyed admit they don’t even trust their partner. So, if you’re in flux between ending your relationship or sticking with your partner, how do you know what the right thing to do is? Read on to find out if your relationship is worth fighting for or whether it is better for everyone if you leave it.
Should You End Your Relationship? Five Questions To Ask Yourself
1. Is My Relationship Ruining My Self-Respect?
There may be many reasons why you want to end your relationship, but it is likely to come from two trains of thought: your self-respect or your ego. Ego, in this context, this is not about being big-headed or having an inflated perception of yourself, but instead about your internal ego.
Issues that come under the context of ego include;
- Worrying that your partner will leave you
- Feeling abandonment in the relationship
- Not feeling good enough for your partner
- Feeling ashamed of your partner
- Not wanting to be seen together, or thought of in the same context
- Everyday challenges of the relationship make you feel uncomfortable.
These are all issues that can make you fear commitment. They may even stop you from trying to make a relationship last with your partner. However, such problems are likely to occur in every relationship you have, rather than be specific to the relationship you are currently in. In this case, it may be worth working through these on a personal level, rather than ending your relationship.
If, however, the reasons you want to end the relationship comes out of a feeling of self-respect, such as your partner diminishing your self-worth, then it may indicate that your relationship isn’t healthy and that leaving may be the best option.
2. If my friend was in my place, would I encourage them to leave the relationship?
Often, when in the middle of a complicated relationship, it can be hard to take an objective view. Our self-awareness can be so low that we cannot see what is in front of us. Sometimes, it is best to step back and imagine your situation as an outsider.
Try to look at your relationship from the perspective as if it were your friend’s relationship. Would you be happy for them? Encourage them to work at their relationship? Alternatively, would you urge them to end the relationship for their own sake and happiness?
3. Does ‘I’ feature more than ‘we’?
Most relationships will focus on the element of partnership and frequently use ‘we’ in everyday speech. Remember, it is normal to have disagreements, and there will be aspects which you say, ‘I want’ rather than ‘we want’. However, there should be a large proportion of your relationship where you both focus on ‘we’.
If you find that your relationship is unfairly balanced with one person’s demands and wishes being prioritised over the other partner, then this does indicate a bigger issue. If you or your partner think about me more than we, this can show a significant discord in the relationship.
4. Is there more disappointment than satisfaction?
While a relationship will always have compromises, and there may be aspects that may not quite line up, your general expectations for the relationship need to be met. If you find yourself disappointed that ‘this is all there is’ or perhaps it wasn’t what you thought or need it to be, then all you’ll see of your relationship is unfulfillment.
If, however, you can recognise individual issues for what they are and you feel mostly satisfied with the relationship, even though you know it is not perfect, then this shows your relationship is certainly worthwhile and that you can overcome problems together.
5. Do hardships strengthen or weaken the relationship?
When you look back at your relationship history, do you work through the hard times to become a stronger couple? Alternatively, does the chaos of your relationship erode vital elements such as trust and support? Remember, every couple will have hard times. However, you will show the strength of your relationship by how you overcome such hardships. You’ll also demonstrate whether you can repair and add a new deeper layer to your relationship.
If however, you are struggling to let go of past hardships and cannot allow your relationship to progress and grow, then it may be understandable that you are leaning towards leaving your relationship.
Not sure whether to end your relationship?
While the decision to end your relationship will only be down to you, my therapy techniques can be there to support you and help you see your relationship clearly. As an expert in relationship hypnotherapy, I can help you to overcome relationship problems. What’s more, I will ensure you have the tools you need to manage relationship issues as they arise. To discuss your concerns confidentially and find out if hypnotherapy is right for you, email firstname.lastname@example.org to book your free consultation.