Anxious Avoidant Attachment: Looking For Love But Scared Of Getting Hurt? Do you struggle to trust others but wish you could get closer and build…
Six Signs You Have Relationship Anxiety
Relationships should be full of excitement, happiness and contentment, but so often, they can become a source of worry, with anxious thoughts or feelings. So much so that four in ten people check their partner’s phone in case they’re cheating on them. Anxiety in relationships can occur at any time. From ‘do they really like me?’ at the early stages, then the later stages of ‘where is this going?’, ‘can we last?’ and ‘is my partner losing interest?’.
There is a difference between the odd wobble and relationship anxiety. So, how can you tell if you are struggling with relationship anxiety, and what can you do to handle it?
Six Signs Of Relationship Anxiety
1. You’re clingy
Ordinarily, you may feel strong and independent. You may have entered the relationship with a determined nature to maintain your independence. Maybe you used to encourage time alone and time spent apart with separate friendship groups.
However, with anxious thoughts, you may find yourself cancelling independent activities. You may be jealous if your partner is enjoying activities without you. Consequently, you can become very insecure about who your partner wants to spend time with. You may be clingy, wanting your partner to cancel plans or take you with them. It may be that you resent them being on their phone to others when they could be engaging with you.
2. You’re rejecting your partner
If you’re struggling with relationship anxiety, you may try and keep your guard up and appear aloof or cold. This tactic of rejecting your partner’s affection could be to create some space between you both—this is an ineffective approach of trying to avoid hurt.
Alternatively, rejecting your partner is a way to invoke relationship insecurity in your partner. It could be a subliminal way to show your partner that all is not well in the relationship, and they stand to lose you unless something changes.
3. You’re imposing rules
If you’re struggling with anxious feelings, perhaps feeling like your partner is slipping away from you, then you may try and assert some control over the situation. If you’re jealous, or untrusting of your partner, you may try and impose new controlling rules in the relationship to try and ease your worries and anxieties.
The rules you assert could be how often a partner has to keep in touch with you when they’re away, or perhaps who they can or can’t speak to, meet with or text. While these rules may appear to alleviate insecurities, they typically end up breeding resentment and further feelings of mistrust.
4. You’re punishing your partner
When you’re worried about the relationship, or listening to the critical inner voice which tells you that your relationship is doomed, or that your partner cannot possibly love you, you may end up punishing your partner for these thoughts. Often, this can be through argumentative or confrontational behaviour.
In this case, it may seem that you are purposefully looking for faults in your partners or issues to argue about. It may be that you give your partner the cold shoulder. Here, it is essential to reflect whether it really is your partner that is causing upset, or whether it is your critical inner voice that you’re trying to deflect.
5. You’re going through the motions
If you’re anxious or scared about the relationship, you may focus on the idea of connections rather than real acts of love. You may focus on the form of the relationship, such as date nights and how you talk about your partner, but you neglect the substance of the partnership. It may be that you no longer relate to your partner or share openly or honestly.
Some relationship experts call this retreating into a fantasy bond. This is where you put in place distant and destructive measures, but stay in the relationship and go through the relationship motions in order to feel secure.
6. You’re withholding love
This sign of relationship anxiety is incredibly subtle but is often one of the biggest relationship killers. With this, you try and hold back your affection and loving kindness. It may be that you feel your partner won’t find you attractive, so you try and avoid sex. Alternatively, you may worry that your partner wants to leave, so you close up and don’t reach out to them for an embrace or attention.
This can be really common if you feel afraid or scared in your relationship. Perhaps you always worry that your partner can find someone better or will leave you. However, by withholding the warmth, passion and attraction, you may begin to fragment your relationship. This means you may stand to lose the special bond that you and your partner share.
How To Overcome Relationship Anxiety
If you recognise any of these six signs, then it is time to focus your attention inward. It can really help to look inside yourself to work out where these feelings have come from. So often, relationship anxiety has little to do with your partner, the relationship or external events; it is usually what is going on inside.
If you’re struggling with the critical inner voice, or your low self-esteem or anxiety are fuelling distant, destructive and defensive behaviour, then hypnotherapy can really help. Together, we can look at what is going on inside and where these feelings stem from.
Once you learn more about the real issue, you can then begin to address these concerns at the root level to avoid negative impacts on your relationship.
To find out more, let’s begin with a complimentary phone consultation. During this, we’ll discuss your concerns and which approach would be best for you. You can book your free call by emailing firstname.lastname@example.org.
Alternatively, my next Live Online Hypnosis will focus solely on anxiety. Taking place on Tuesday 3rd November at 9 pm, you can relax and unwind to a soothing hypnosis, working to reduce anxious thoughts.
To join my live monthly hypnosis sessions complete with access to a portal containing previous sessions and a chance to vote for upcoming topics, please join here. Sign up today to get your first month free!