Attachment Theory and Why It Matters Attachment theory is a psychological model that explains why we form strong emotional bonds with certain people in our…
Be More Single In Your Relationship!
In last week’s post, I covered the difficult but increasingly common issue of partner monitoring, which is increasing jealousy levels and lowering self-esteem. If you find yourself checking up on what your partner is doing online and feeling a whirlwind of negative emotions because of it, then this blog post is for you.
Studies have found that social media can increase jealousy and comparative behaviour, especially in relationships. Remember, it is perfectly normal to feel jealous. In fact, jealousy is a natural instinct. However, it can cause significant problems in your relationship if you feel upset, jealous or do not trust what your partner is doing online.
So, how can you control the green-eyed monster when it comes to partner monitoring on social media?
Why are you getting jealous?
There are several reasons that you may be jealous of your partner’s online activity;
- Lack of attention – If you notice your partner being complimentary and chatty to others, you may worry about the lack of attention you are receiving and why your partner’s attention is elsewhere.
- Comparative behaviour – You may have certain hang-ups that are hampering your self-confidence and esteem. If your partner is talking to or looking at someone else, you may be drawn into unhealthy comparisons. Remember, social media is the best portrayal of someone’s life; it doesn’t often show the negatives.
- Relationship anxiety – If you are uncomfortable with what your partner is doing online, you may worry about the strength of your relationship and whether your partner is cheating.
- Not feeling good enough – Checking up on your partner online may have nothing to do with what they are up to but is actually a personal worry of not feeling good enough for your partner.
- Constant questioning – If your partner’s online behaviour is changing, it could lead to continual questioning as you wonder what it means for you and the relationship which can cause jealousy. This is especially true if you think your partner is no longer interested in you because of their behavioural change.
How to handle social media jealousy
Talk about it
If you’re feeling jealous, then it will cause a reaction. This could be an explosive argument, but it is more likely to be an inward reaction where you close up and put a barrier between you and your partner. At this, your partner is likely to be clueless that you are upset. Subsequently, this can blow up and lead to much bigger problems further down the line.
You may not feel comfortable talking about how your feeling or admitting that you’ve been looking up their friends and social media activity. But, explaining your emotions can help to build trust and understanding. Together, you and your partner can discuss what you both find acceptable in a relationship and make necessary compromises that can strengthen your relationship.
It means nothing
Unless your partner is microcheating on you, then it is likely your partner hasn’t thought twice about liking that picture or thinking that it may upset you. Generally, our online activity has very little to do with our real lives. After all, it’s just a digital interaction, not a meaningful or emotional connection.
You may think that if it means nothing, then why are they doing it? There could be a number of reasons. However, if you love and trust your partner, then you should know that they are not doing anything to try and deliberately hurt you.
Just like if your partner looks at someone when walking down the street. They are still with you. But people are interesting creatures, and there is no harm in simply looking at someone else, it doesn’t mean your partner wants to cheat.
Be single, together.
It is no secret that life when your single is much easier than being in a relationship. When you are single, you only have to worry about yourself. There is no reason that you can’t maintain a single-life mindset when you are in a relationship. Obviously, you shouldn’t go wild and sleep around, unless you and your partner agree to an open relationship. However, you should still be able to do all the things that you did when you were single.
Don’t forget to maintain your friendships, you don’t have to get rid of male/female friends because of your partner, and you will often feel better if you keep your sense of independence.
Be selfish. Do the things you love to do. Don’t be afraid to be alone when you are in a relationship – why not take a trip by yourself?
By focusing on you, you stop focusing on what other people are doing. Hopefully, you’ll be having too much fun to worry about what someone else is posting online.
It is also important to remember that the ‘single’ you was the version of you that your partner fell in love with. Your partner wouldn’t want to see that fade away, and neither should you.
Build your self-confidence
If your jealousy has highlighted issues with your self-esteem, then it is time to build your confidence, so you don’t compare yourself to others. By doing the things that make you feel good, your confidence will grow. When your confidence is high, you won’t feel compelled to look for flaws or worry about what someone can do better than you.
Keep challenging yourself to maintain your confidence. Remember, strength and independence are sexy. Whether it is fitness, dancing, studying or being creative, making time to do things that develop you as a person are essential for maintaining your personality. Whatever your superpower is, don’t let it go when you’re in a relationship.
Don’t just be half of a couple, be your whole self. Be you.
Nurture and nourish
For your self-confidence, it is essential that you feel good both inside and out. Take care of yourself with lots of sleep, self-care, me-time and happiness-boosting activities. Maintain the healthy balance that makes you feel good, and the self-belief and confidence should grow.
It should also help you to maintain a fresh sense of energy as you are nourishing yourself with all of the things you love. This is energy that you can then reinvest into yourself and your relationship for even better outcomes.
Remember your choice
Sometimes in a relationship, it is hard to see that you have a choice. If your partner is getting in the way of the things that make you happy or is doing something which makes you unhappy, you always have a choice to change the situation. With this, remember your partner should always have a choice too.
Where possible, work with your partner so that you both get to maintain your independence and do the things you want to. You may need to compromise, but ultimately you should want the best for each other. If you and your partner cannot find a way to maintain a joint happiness, then remember it isn’t the end of the world. There are plenty of people out there that may be a better match.
Get your confidence back
As a qualified hypnotherapist, I specialise in confidence, self-esteem and relationship issues. So, if you are struggling to build your confidence or make a relationship work for you, then I would love to create your bespoke therapy package designed to get you results. Find out more in a free telephone consultation. Book your consultation today by emailing email@example.com.