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Feeling Rejected? Here’s How To Stop Self-Sabotage
A recent study has found that around 4.4 billion people feel unloved, while 60% of people believe that no one really loves them. At some point or another, almost everyone suffers from feeling unloved, rejected or unwanted. This emotion can result in many destructive behaviours and typically manifests in self-sabotage. So, what can you do to give yourself the sense of self-worth that you need and the power to lessen your self-sabotaging?
What are your destructive habits?
Suffering emotionally, whether through a rejection, breakup, insult, criticism or something else entirely can cause us to press the ‘self-destruct’ button. Every person typically has their own way to handle feeling unloved or rejected.
For some, this may be to self-medicate with alcohol or drugs. Others may turn to food for comfort or binge-eat. Others may seek the feeling of love from others through one-night stands and bootie calls, and some may indulge in risky, unsafe or unhealthy behaviours as a way to get through the pain.
It is essential to try and have self-awareness when you turn to unhealthy or risky self-medication tactics as these can actually lead to greater problems causing even more pain in the long-term. If you spot yourself indulging in self-medication after a painful event, then it is wise to address it early, especially for addictive behaviours or substances. A therapist, counsellor or trusted friendship network can be really supportive in helping you to avoid or cut back on destructive habits.
How to stop self-sabotage
Create a new self-talk script
After an emotional upset, it is normal to keep running the situation over and over in your mind. When you do this, your mind can escalate the situation and blow it completely out of proportion. You may start telling yourself that ‘no one will ever love me’ or ‘nobody cares’ which can be incredibly destructive.
When you catch yourself telling yourself untruths or exaggerated thought patterns, then you can try to transform these statements into more positive and realistic affirmations. For example; ‘I feel like nobody cares about me, perhaps if I reach out to a friend and arrange to meet, I will feel better’.
Surround yourself with positivity
When it comes to our family or friendship groups, we can often accept them for what they are without realising that they may be a negative influence on your life. After a rejection, or when you are feeling unloved or worthless, then these negative influences could be inhibiting your choices and how you see yourself and others.
Try to make a conscious choice to distance yourself from the people that may be a negative influence. Sometimes you can distance yourself subtly. In some cases, it may be worthwhile telling the negative influences that you need to stop spending time together because of the unhealthy choices they may encourage you to make.
As well as a positive social group, look for other ways to improve your positivity. This could be trying a new hobby or learning a new skill, joining a social club or exercise group. Focus on the healthy activities that you do that make you happy, even if that is just a walk by yourself or curling up with a good book. Self-care and self-love can be incredibly positive influences if you don’t feel particularly sociable.
Put simply, do more of what you love.
We all need a release for our emotions, however flippant or silly the reason is that caused you to feel unloved or rejected. Sometimes it can really help just to write down your feelings, what happened, and the reasons why it upset you. This can be a fantastic release and may help you to review the situation in a new light.
Alternatively, you can channel your emotional pain in creative ways such as art, poetry, writing, dancing or singing. If you are creative, you have the chance to create something new. If creativity is lacking, just vent with loud music and get singing and dancing to help improve your outlook.
Improve your self-worth
If someone has caused you to doubt your self-worth, then it is important to solidify your self-esteem and cultivate your confidence. Spend some time making yourself feel loved. A great way to do this is to make a list of your strengths and positive attributes. For many, this can be difficult and can feel uncomfortable. Another way to do this is to look back at compliments you regularly receive or have received in the past.
You can also ask others for their feedback on your most positive qualities. If you don’t want to look to others, how about trying some personality or psychometric tests which can help you to identify the strengths you may not know you have. All of these can help to confound your self-worth and instil a belief in yourself.
When you make a list, make sure you write these in affirmative statements such as ‘I am kind, I am intelligent’. This way it will help you to retrain your brain to believe these positive statements about yourself.
Make yourself some (achievable) goals
After a difficult time, it is crucial to have a focus so that you can avoid self-sabotage and destructive habits. Setting goals can be a great way to keep you focused. Thet can help you to achieve more and demonstrate your capabilities to yourself. However, setting yourself unrealistic and impossible goals can cause you to plunge further into self-destructive habits, especially if you feel like you’re failing.
With every goal you want to achieve, make sure you evaluate it. Is it realistic and attainable? Can you set yourself a timeframe for the goal or perhaps break it down into smaller goals to make it more manageable?
As soon as you start ticking your goals off, you should feel a sense of satisfaction and self-worth, this positivity will then begin to impact other aspects of life too.
Don’t be afraid to ask for help
Sometimes it is much easier to have someone on hand to support you and enable you to make positive changes you want to see in your life. I offer a range of different therapy types from talking, coaching, hypnotherapy, NLP and meditation to help create the perfect bespoke package for each and every client. If you are looking for support through a period of self-sabotage or struggling with feeling unloved or worthless, then I can help.
To find out more, please get in touch by calling 0207 971 7677 for your free consultation.