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The Language Of Love – Give The Perfect Present For Valentine’s Day
Whether you love or hate Valentine’s Day, it is a big business. Twenty-two million Brits gifted their loved ones in 2018, while the nation spent an incredible £650 million for the romantic day. But, before you go into your overdraft by purchasing expensive gifts, indulgent experiences and fancy food, isn’t it better to determine what your partner actually wants? Fortunately, there is an easy way to figure it out, by speaking their love language.
What is a love language?
In 1995, Dr Gary Chapman debuted the Five Love Languages which explained that to heal and strengthen relationships, partners should seek to understand the other person’s love language. Chapman analyses five different love languages, all of which explain how best that person wants to receive and deliver love. Despite being over twenty years old, the love languages are still as relevant as ever.
The five love languages are;
- Words of affirmation – Compliments, encouragement and communication of their affection.
- Quality time – Expressing love comes from spending time together and experiencing things together.
- Receiving gifts – A person feels love when they receive a thoughtful present or a small token of affection.
- Acts of service – Fulfilling promises and completing gestures that help the other person.
- Physical touch – Making a partner feel special through physical connections.
You can read more about the five different love languages and determine which are the primary and secondary love languages for you and your partner, in a previous post I wrote; ‘How to save your relationship’.
How can love languages help me this Valentine’s Day?
By understanding your partner’s primary love languages, you can tailor your Valentine’s Day to suit their personality. For example, if your partner’s primary love language is quality time, and you bring home a box of chocolates, then they may not be as grateful as you’d expect, because you’ve failed to understand how they like to receive love.
Alternatively, the person may feel grateful that you are making an effort to show affection. However, wouldn’t you like to go that extra mile to really show that person that you love them so that they can really feel it?
By spending time getting to know your partner’s love language, you not only give them a Valentine’s Day that they’ll cherish, but it may just save your bank balance too. Not everyone needs expensive gifts to feel loved.
The best Valentine’s Day for each love language
Firstly, simply reading the 5 Love Languages book together and each determining your own love language can provide both of you with an invaluable gift that is not just for Valentine’s Day but for the rest of your relationship. Knowing you and your partner’s love language gives you both a deeper understanding of each other. This can help in times of difficulty as well as improving your life together as a whole.
If the love language is… words of affirmation
Positive words have immense power over humans. In fact, using affirmative loving words improves cognitive function and stimulates the motivational centres of the brain which encourages positive action. Therefore, by saying loving words to your partner, they will be more motivated offer positive action in return.
If your partner has a primary love language of words of affirmation, a handwritten note, a poem or a thoughtful card can make their day. Simply starting the day by telling them you love them and following it up with a sweet text later in the day can be the difference between an average Valentine’s Day and an amazing one.
If the love language is… quality time
If the primary love language is quality time, then you may not have to spend any money at all this Valentine’s Day. What is important to realise is that simply spending time together may not be enough. You may spend every evening together. However, if you spend evenings sitting together watching TV or being distracted by your phones, then this isn’t the quality time that your partner craves.
Instead, turn your phone off and give your partner your undivided attention. Going for a walk, sitting down over dinner or doing a shared hobby together is a way to connect and engage with your partner without distractions. Make sure to actively listen and make eye contact with your partner to show your commitment to quality time.
If the love language is… receiving gifts
Studies show that the whole act of gift giving, from thoughtful choosing to presenting the gift stimulates feelings of affection in the receiver. With this in mind, receiving gifts is not necessarily a materialistic approach to love. Those with a love language of receiving gifts like the intention of gift giving and that the other person has thought about them and put effort into the present.
A Valentine’s Day with a partner who loves receiving gifts doesn’t have to break the bank. It can be small token gifts such as buying their favourite beverage from your local coffee shop, leaving their favourite snack in their bag to find later in the day or a handmade present such as baking cakes or a compiling a photo album.
If you do want to splash out, then don’t buy generic. Instead, show your partner that you’ve thought about them when purchasing it. Perhaps buy a gift that they have admired for a long time or something that will help them in some way.
If the love language is… acts of service
Acts of service are a mutually beneficial activity. Delivering acts of service is simply doing something for your partner which you know they would like you to do. In return, you’ll receive the warm, fuzzy feeling that comes from a selfless act.
The best way to demonstrate this love language is to get to know the main bugbears in your partner’s life. Then, try to alleviate them or look for ways that can help them so they can enjoy more leisure time. An easy example would be to do the chores for them, or perhaps you can plan an itinerary for an upcoming trip or make a start on the home project they’ve been meaning to complete but haven’t had the time for.
If the love language is… physical touch
Physical touch, in any relationship, can be incredibly powerful. Consequently, tactility is associated with greater relationship and partner satisfaction. Remember, physical contact doesn’t necessarily mean you and your partner have to spend the whole day and night in the bedroom (unless you both want to!).
Physical touch does not necessarily mean sex; it could be kissing, cuddling or putting your arm around your partner. Furthermore, other ways to express physical touch is to go out dancing, enjoy a couple’s massage together or just walking hand in hand or perhaps curling up together on the sofa.
If the love languages are not enough
If you and your partner are struggling to connect, and love languages are unable to save your relationship, then therapy can help. I specialise in relationship therapy and can offer a careful blend of hypnotherapy, NLP, mindfulness and meditation to suit your personal and relationship needs. Find out more about the ways I can help your specific relationship issues and help you achieve your relationship goals by booking your free 15-minute consultation. Call 0207 971 7677 to book.
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Ashford.edu. (2019). The Psychology Behind the 5 Love Languages | Ashford University. [online] Available at: https://www.ashford.edu/blog/social-behavioral-science/the-psychology-behind-the-5-love-languages [Accessed 2 Feb. 2019].
Hancock (2019). Brits predicted to spend £650 million this Valentine’s Day. [online] Thedrinksbusiness.com. Available at: https://www.thedrinksbusiness.com/2018/02/brits-predicted-to-spend-more-on-food-and-drink-this-valentines-day-than-ever/ [Accessed 2 Feb. 2019].
Narsi, L. (2013). Words Can Change Your Brainby A. B. Newberg and M. R. Waldman. American Journal of Clinical Hypnosis, 56(1), pp.88-89.
Rotstein, N. (2019). Valentine’s Day spending statistics 2018. [online] finder UK. Available at: https://www.finder.com/uk/valentines-day-statistics [Accessed 2 Feb. 2019].