At some point or another, we feel we’re never good enough – never good enough for our work, for achieving or doing something, for other people, for becoming who we truly want to be. More than just a ‘feeling,’ this self-doubt stems from different reasons.
There are different areas where self-doubt can creep in. We can doubt on our competence when we feel we’re never good enough for achieving or doing something like making enough money. At times, we may feel we’re never good enough because of our body issues – not being thin, muscular, tall, or pretty enough. There are also some of us who develop self-doubt as a result of who we are – our gender, sexual orientation, race, and personality.
We may also experience self-doubt in our relationships, having the belief that we aren’t enough for the person unless we do something. Hence, many of us ended up being who we are not in relationships as we think that’s the only way we can please our partner.
Self-doubt can be crippling. It can keep us from achieving the kind of life that we truly deserve. It crushes our ambitions, drags our spirit, and prevents us from achieving everything that we can.
Why do we feel this way?
Not feeling good enough can be a result of different things including:
We come into this world without any form of conditioning. We don’t know what or how to think simply because we have no concepts. Everything that we know including the way we view things or ourselves is a learned concept.
As kids, we grow up soaking everything around us, grasping concepts to what life is like. In dysfunctional families, such as in families with an alcoholic, abusive, or narcissistic parent or parents, the children get confused on why their parents are acting that way.
Since the child’s aim is to be loved and cared for, he/she unconsciously does things to please the parents to meet their goal. They think that if they do better in school, do more house chores, or do other things that please their parents; they can make their parents stop in abusing substances, fight, or get stressed. The child does this so they can meet their goal, that is, to be loved and cared for.
Kids in this kind of families end up constantly trying to please their parents, but they can only do so much. Eventually, they end up realizing that no matter what or how much they do, they can never fix their parent’s problems.
Self-doubt can also be a result of being raised in a narcissistic environment. A parent with an extreme focus on himself or herself can end up with a child who doubts himself or herself too much.
Children whose parent or parents have Destructive Narcissistic Personality (DNP) can either group up compliant or rebellious. The compliant response will make the child try harder to please the adult. This behaviour may extend into adulthood where they may experience anxiety when the other person is not pleased.
Our unrealistic expectations can be another culprit to why we do not feel good enough.
The expectations we set for ourselves can help us prepare for reality, but when they’re too much, they can give us stress and affect our self-esteem. At times, setting too high expectations can be a result of our childhool raising. When our parents praised us for getting good grades at school, we try to keep that up, thinking that if we won’t, they won’t praise or love us anymore.
The Road to Healing
Not feeling good enough can be a result of complex issues in the past. This is why the advice ‘counteract it with positive thoughts’ doesn’t always work for someone with this issue.
The best way to deal with the feeling of not being good enough is to face it, not deny that it exists or drown it with perfectionism, food, or any other substance.
Seeking help from a therapist can help.
When done right, therapy can help in uncovering the deep-seated issues that bring about this feeling of self-doubt which usually goes back to the family origin or certain patterns of parenting while growing up.
Hypnotherapy is a good form of therapy. It uses guided relaxation to achieve a heightened sense of awareness. It is in this state when the person’s attention is so focused. Therefore, making him/her more open to suggestions or discussion.
I’m a certified hypnotherapist in London. I combine hypnosis and coaching to understand what holds back my clients and keep them from moving forward. Consequently, through regular hypnotherapy sessions, I can help you deal with issues that are holding you back from achieving whatever it is you want to achieve.
Finally, not feeling good enough can keep you from becoming who you really want to be. Know that no matter what causes it, you can overcome it and live the kind of life you’ve dreamt of.
Published by Hypnosis in London on 28 May 2017, written by Malminder Gill.