Four Ways To Break The Habit Of People Pleasing. People pleasing is a common problem that many of us struggle with. It can be difficult…
You Are Enough
When you receive praise, do you instantly bat it away? When you reach an accomplishment, do you wish you could have done more or been better? Whether it’s with your career, parenting style, financial situation, fitness or anything else, it can be hard to shift that sense of not feeling good enough. No matter what you do or how much you achieve, it can seem like it is never enough. It can feel like you can never measure up to the image that you have in your mind.
So, where does this feeling of never being good enough come from? In this post, I’ll shed light on why you’re feeling this way and the steps you can take so that you can feel that you are enough.
Why You Don’t Feel Good Enough
Most people cannot pinpoint when they first felt that they were not good enough. However, it usually begins in childhood. As a child, you may not comprehend the real circumstances, but you are trying to understand and navigate the world around you.
As children, the primary goal is to feel love and gain affection from caregivers. However, there are reasons why a child may not feel that love.
Some examples of when children cannot feel that love from their caregivers include;
- Caregivers are narcissistic and incapable of real love
- Alcohol and substance abuse may mean that affection from caregivers fluctuates
- Domestic violence and abuse take focus away from the child
- Dysfunctional family set up can lead a child to be neglected
- Divorce, separation, and unhappy parent/caregiver relationships
- Caregivers are highly stressed, busy, or struggling with negative emotions.
For a young child, these issues are not something they can fully comprehend. However, children try and fix these issues themselves, based on the knowledge they do have. This can lead to thoughts like ‘if I’m quiet, mum won’t be stressed’ or’ if I do more chores, dad won’t yell at me’, ‘if I become a sports star, my parents will be proud of me’.
Basically, when children see that their caregivers are happy within themselves, children believe they are more likely to receive the love they crave. As a result, they try and fix these parent problems to make their caregivers happy. However, when the child tries to fix the issue, and it doesn’t work, the child thinks; ‘it’s because I’m not good enough to fix this’.
As a result, the child is left feeling inadequate, not good enough and with the added burden of everyone else’s problems too.
But I had a happy childhood?
Even if your childhood was largely happy, there might be suppressed memories or traumas that have led to these feelings. Sometimes, it is easier to blame yourself rather than look to your family for the origin of these negative feelings.
However, determining and uncovering these deep-rooted beliefs doesn’t mean you have to hold resentment, anger or blame your caregivers. It is just about unburdening yourself from the emotional baggage that you are carrying.
It is important to remember this baggage doesn’t belong to you anymore, and it’s time to realise that you are enough.
How To Feel Good Enough
1. Forget About Approval
Unfortunately, it is in your nature to care about what people think about you. However, everyone has their own opinion, but that’s exactly what it is. THEIR opinion, not yours. So, try to live a life that is true to yourself and makes you happy, rather than adapting yourself to get the approval of others.
2. Visualise Removing Emotional Baggage
It is time to let go of the baggage and beliefs you carry around. Imagine you are carrying a really heavy bag on your back full of balls. Then, each time a memory comes to you as to why you don’t feel good enough, try and work out where it came from. Then imagine giving that ball back to its owner (the one who made you have that belief) and then feel that weight being lifted as you set yourself free from that particular burden.
3. Keep A Gratitude Journal
At the end of each day, find at least five things you are grateful for that day that shows you are good enough. This could be ‘I’m grateful that my presentation went well’, ‘I’m grateful that I spent 30 minutes exercising’ or ‘I’m grateful for having the time to play with my children’. Don’t look at what you could have done differently; focus only on the positives.
4. Surround Yourself With Love
There will be people that don’t make you feel good enough, and there will be people that think you are amazing. While this feeling of being good enough should come from within, it can significantly help to cut the ties from toxic people and focus only on people who love you. From pets to family members to your tribe – they will always be the ones that think you are enough.
5. Be Your Best Self
Being your best self doesn’t mean you have to work so hard that you burn yourself out. However, knowing that you gave 100% to your day will help to show that you are good enough and that you have something to feel good about. Even if that is committing 100% of yourself to a self-care day to recharge your batteries, make sure you give it your all. Remember your best self will differ to everyone else. Your best self doesn’t have to match up to anyone else, so try not to compare.
Feel Like You Are Enough
It can be incredibly challenging and emotionally draining to start unpicking your past to work out where your beliefs stem from. This is where I can help with hypnosis. During hypnosis, together, we can take a look back at aspects you may have buried deep. Then we can begin to reprogram the right beliefs in your brain so that you know and feel like you are enough. We can do this through virtual hypnotherapy sessions with video calling. If you’re ready to get started, email email@example.com to book your first free consultation.