Is Your Phone Creating An Intimacy Crisis?
When it comes to snuggling up on the sofa or in bed, is it more likely to be with your phone or your partner? If you spend more time in bed on your phone rather than getting intimate with your partner, then you are not alone. So much so that, for over half of Brits under 45, their device is the last thing they see before closing their eyes at night. Furthermore, over a third of those surveyed sleep closer to their phone than their partner. This technology in the bedroom has led to an intimacy crisis among couples. Furthermore, this lack of physical connection is tearing many couples apart.
Are You Getting Intimate?
Brits are having less sex now than in the past. However, this doesn’t seem to be a good thing, as a recent study has found that 56% of UK adults are craving more intimacy. For those under the age of 45, those suffering an intimacy crisis increases to 65%. So, what’s stopping people from getting close to their partner?
In most cases, it is technology in the bedroom (as in phones and laptops), that has created a barrier from connecting with your partner. Others cite issues such as a lack of time and energy as well as high stress levels which prevent people from cuddling, kissing and having sex.
Of course, getting intimate doesn’t have to mean physically, but people are still spending more time in bed on their phone or watching TV than talking to their partner. Furthermore, 31% of people claim to have avoided sexual advances by being fixated on their phone. So, is your phone addiction getting in the way of what you actually want?
The Intimacy Crisis: Are You Guilty Of Phubbing?
Yes, there is even a term for snubbing someone in favour of looking at your phone. This term is known as phubbing or phone snubbing. This doesn’t have to be in your relationship. Perhaps when you meet your friends, you zone out of the conversation to check an alert on your device. It could be when your kids are trying to talk to you, and you have one eye scrolling through your phone feed.
Eventually, when people see that your phone is more important than them, they’ll stop battling for your attention. So if you want to really connect with others and overcome an intimacy crisis, it may be time to put down your phone!
Understanding The Four Elements Of Intimacy
As well as connecting between the sheets, there are other ways that intimacy can manifest. Here are the four main aspects of intimacy. It can help to ensure you nourish each element and understand which if any, that you are lacking.
Intellectual intimacy – This aspect focuses on sharing thoughts, ideas and having discussions about the things you care about. This could be having a particular song that reminds you both of your relationship; it may be discussing your favourite books, films, or sharing aspirations such as travelling or supporting a charity.
Emotional intimacy – This focuses on being able to share your innermost thoughts – this is about feeling comfortable enough to cry with, sharing both joy and pain and supporting each other. Emotional intimacy also focuses on honesty and trust; you need to be honest with yourself as well as your partner. Otherwise, it can lead to disconnection.
Experiential intimacy – Also known as spiritual intimacy, this focuses on really being in the moment with your partner and experiencing something awe-inspiring or something that brings you closer together. This could be as simple as sharing a walk in nature, to watching a movie. It’s all about creating experiences and memories with your partner.
Physical intimacy – This doesn’t have to be sex, but is any form of affection such as hugging, kissing, snuggling up together. So often, we can end up sending more kisses via text messages that we give in real-life. This can show that physical intimacy can be lacking.
How To Reignite Intimacy In Your Relationship
Instigate A Bedroom Phone Ban
Invest in a traditional alarm clock and keep your phone out of the bedroom. Then, when you go to bed, you are going distraction-free. With this, you are not only opening yourself up to spend quality time with your partner, but you’re also making sure your bedroom is a stress- and tech-free sanctuary, which will do wonders for your sleep too.
Carve Out Time For Your Partner
This could be a dedicated date night or just 15 minutes every evening before you get stuck into that boxset. Making sure you dedicate a window of your time exclusively for your partner will show how important they are you, and subsequently, how important you are to them too.
Be Emotionally Available
It is important to make your partner feel loved, safe and valued. To facilitate this, make sure that you create an environment where they feel they can share and find support. Kindness, non-judgement and being able to listen actively are so important.
Find The Right Balance
In every relationship, it is vital to have both independence and interdependence. Having separate social lives, hobbies and time for self-care as well as ensuring dedicated time for shared interests and communication can strengthen relationships. Practice self-care as well as coming together as a couple.
Look For Support, If You Need It
If you and your partner have fallen into a pattern of bad habits, it can be hard to restore intimacy. Furthermore, there may be a personal reason why you are struggling with an intimacy crisis. If you need help overcoming intimacy issues with your partner, then hypnotherapy can really help. Together we can dig down into the underlying issues you may be facing, then I will share the best tools, advice and practices to help you create the intimacy that you’ve been craving.
Find out more about how I can help by booking your first free consultation by emailing firstname.lastname@example.org.