5 Signs Of Trauma Bonding Do you feel loved one minute and devalued the next? Do you want to stay in a red-flag relationship when…
Dating is a stage when two people meet socially, assessing each other’s suitability as a prospective partner to a more intimate relationship which could end in marriage. But with so many people dating the wrong way, it’s not impossible to keep on going into dates without landing on a satisfying relationship with another human being. One of the reasons why many people fail at dating is because they miss a step or two; sometimes, even forgetting the right way of doing it.
About 44 percent of those who have tried online dating have reported to be successful, leading to marriages or long-term serious relationships.
Typically, relationships progress through different stages. It usually starts with lust when you realize that you like each other. It is then followed by the honeymoon stage, an intense phase when you experience lovesickness. And if you’re fortunate enough, you can progress to attachment stage, the stage serious couples strive for. Unfortunately, many couples do not progress to the last stage of relationship. After the honeymoon phase, they usually discover their incompatibilities and decide to part ways. This is why right from the start, the dating phase, you have to take it seriously.
If you’re a business student or have taken a business course, you know too well that in order for an organization or a business to succeed, there are certain steps that should be followed in order. Skipping a step or doing it the wrong way can result to failure. It works the same way with dating. If you truly want to find that person whom you can have a loving and satisfying relationship, then you must take dating seriously. You must treat it like a business.
Join my Facebook group where I will be sharing weekly tips, worksheets and live videos discussing everything to do with love and relationships
How Be Successful In Dating
When an organization looks for people to work with them, they have a certain hiring process to follow. These include creating a job description, looking for potential candidates, screening applicants, training applicants, and evaluating the applicants’ performance. This goes the same way for successful dating. Let’s look at each step and see how it can be applied in dating.
Step 1. Create a job description
If you look into job postings, you will notice that every job posted is very specific. In order to find the right people, the company specifies the duties, responsibilities, and the expected behaviour. Aside from their expectations, you can also find in job descriptions what the company will do in exchange for the services or skills rendered by the person. This can be in the form of a certain amount of compensation or benefits.
Dating should be treated the same way. Before you start looking for potential candidates, you should start writing down what you want in a partner. And do not just write general descriptions like “I want a responsible person.” Try to be specific. By responsible, what does that mean? Does that mean that he/she pays his/her bills on time? Or does it involve more than that?
This is one of the most crucial yet often neglected steps in dating. Hence, a lot of people ended up wasting their time dating the wrong people.
Part of making the job description is writing down too what you are willing to do for the person in exchange for what he/she can offer you. Remember, a relationship involves two people. It doesn’t become successful if only one person is giving the wants and needs of the other and neglecting his/hers. This imbalance can lead to dissatisfaction and eventually, the breakdown of the relationship.
Step 2. Look for potential candidates
Companies usually utilize different forms of advertisement to attract potential candidates. Some do it through job listing sites while others do a more elaborate way of marketing these job posts. This isn’t different with dating.
When you’re looking for a date, you go back to your “job description” and strategize based on that. If you want someone who is athletic, then you would have to set your focus on places where these people usually go. If you’re up for online dating, then try it. A lot of online dating sites allow you to check on profiles and look for possible matches based on shared interests and qualities you’re looking for.
Step 3. Screen Applicants
Interviews are the company’s ways of screening their applicants. Some companies do not just do simple interviews. They go beyond it through personality tests and doing background checks. This is to make sure that the candidate is a good fit for the company.
In dating, this is the step that many of us jump into without doing steps 1 and 2 (oftentimes forgetting step 1). Like a company doing their screening, you go on dates to qualify or assess the person’s aptitude. This step is vital but this isn’t the last step in the process.
Step 4. Train Applicants
Applicants who pass the company’s screening process are placed on a probationary period, usually for months. This is to see whether they could really live up to the company’s standards and values. Qualified applicants also go through this stage to learn the trade of the company. Because even if they are considered ‘qualified’ there are certain things that they need to learn.
When you date someone and find them a good match, you also go through this ‘probationary period’ where you test each other and assess whether you can actually meet each other’s wants and needs.
Step 5. Evaluate Applicants
After the probationary period, the company evaluates the qualified candidates. If they have satisfied the company’s expectations, then they are hired. Otherwise, the company bids goodbye to them.
In dating, you end up ‘hiring’ the person if he/she has consistently meet your standards or expectations (and if you meet theirs too). But if one person is dissatisfied with the other person’s ‘performance’ then he/she has to make a choice – whether to give one a chance or to let him/her go and start with the process all over again.
If you want to have a satisfying relationship in life, then take dating seriously. Do not take shortcuts. Avoid those dating fads that are pushing you to skip a step or two or those that are telling you that there is such thing as “one size fits all” in dating. It’s a myth.
In order to be successful in dating, you need to figure out what you really want, attract potential candidates, screen them, train, and evaluate them. That’s the only way to find that person that you’re looking for.
Join my Facebook group where I will be sharing weekly tips, worksheets and live videos discussing everything to do with love and relationships.
Published by Hypnosis in London on 17 March 2017, written by Malminder Gill.