Sexual incompatibility is an issue which impairs many relationships. A study undertaken by Relate in 2015 discovered that less than half of UK adults were satisfied with their sex lives. In a more recent article in the Independent relationship counselor Peter Saddington cited differing levels of libido as one of the most common problems in our relationships.
Sexual incompatibility can leave us feeling lonely, frustrated and depressed. These feelings have a negative impact on our well-being. Unresolved sexual incompatibility creates tension in our relationships and leads to partners drifting apart and even embarking on affairs. Sexual incompatibility can result in the irretrievable breakdown of a relationship.
Why do we become sexually incompatible?
In the early days of a relationship we usually can’t get enough of our partner. We are charged with sexual desire and the need to satisfy and impress our partner with our sexual prowess. Our initial lust is further heightened by the surge of a neurotransmitter dopamine which increases feelings of desire and arousal. As we settle down into a steady relationship and become more familiar with our partner, love and companionship tend to oust lust and longing and our dopamine levels drop.
Most of us experience temporary periods of loss of libido. Common causes of loss of libido include; pregnancy, childbirth, extreme stress, hormonal changes, depression, aging, illness and some prescribed drugs. Often we are just too busy or too tired to think about let alone indulge in sex.
Sexual incompatibility can arise when one partner experiences unexpected loss of libido, lack of sexual desire which continues for an extended period of time or frequent periods of low libido.
Qualms over our Sexual compatibility may have loomed at the start of the relationship. These niggles are often dismissed with the expectation of becoming more sexually compatible over time. The roots of sexual incompatibility often lie in the differing beliefs, backgrounds, expectations and desires of each partner.
Signs you are not sexually compatible
One of you desires sex more frequently than the other
A lack of spontaneity in your sex life
One or both of you are frequently left feeling unsatisfied
You and your partner are not turned on by the same things
You don’t enjoy the same positions or tempo as your partner
You are rarely in the mood for sex at the same time as your partner
One of you is more adventurous, dominant or submissive than the other
You feel pressured into having sex or participating in sexual acts you don’t enjoy
Effective ways to improve sexual compatibility
There are steps you can take right now to improve your sexual compatibility.
Why not book an appointment with your GP to rule out any underlying medical problems that could be causing your or your partner’s lack of libido? Conditions including an under active thyroid, diabetes or heart disease can lower libido as can some prescribed drugs including; blood pressure medication and antidepressants.
A healthy diet will boost your energy levels, ensure you are not deficient in vitamins and minerals and improve your sex life too.
Try to get more sleep as this will boost energy levels
Regular exercise is an effective way to Increase energy levels and feel better about yourself
Cut down on alcohol. Excessive drinking affects your behaviour and your libido
Schedule some quality time together for romance
Where to seek professional help for sexual incompatibility
If sexual incompatibility has been bothering you for a while and is putting a strain on your relationship, professional help may be needed to boost your sexual compatibility.
Sex Therapy is available in the UK from Relate.
Hypnotherapy has been proven to be more effective than other forms of therapy and results were seen in fewer sessions. A report produced by American Health Magazine showed hypnotherapy to have a 93% success rate in as few as six sessions.
Why hypnotherapy is an effective method of increasing sexual compatibility
Hypnotherapy addresses beliefs, thinking and feelings in the subconscious mind. Sexual incompatibility may be a result of unresolved events, accumulated stress or habits which have formed over time.
Hypnotherapy relaxes the conscious mind whilst simultaneously stimulating the unconscious mind. The unconscious mind is targeted with positive suggestions which change thoughts feelings and behaviour.
To learn more about the effectiveness of hypnotherapy click here.
Image: Mirjana Veljovic
 The Independent
 Psychology Today
 Fox News Magazine
 Meridian Peak