In the previous post on conflict resolution, you learned that conflict in the family is normal but having ongoing conflict can be unhealthy. The previous post also outlined the steps you can take to start resolving your family’s conflict and come up with a collaborative solution. In this post, you will learn the barriers to effective conflict resolution and tips to deal better with arguments in your family. Published by Hypnosis in London on 11 January 2016, written by Malminder Gill.
Barriers to Effective Conflict Resolution
There are things that can keep you and your family from resolving your conflict effectively. Some of the barriers to effective conflict resolution include poor communication, lack of planning, inaccurate assumptions, and underlying interests.
Poor communication doesn’t only lead to conflict but also keeps you and your family from coming up with a collaborative solution. You need to realize that for an effective conflict resolution to take place, there should be good communication in the family. It’s a two-way process that involves active listening and active speaking. In the absence of one, coming into a win-win solution won’t be possible.
Lack of Planning
Conflict resolution can be a highly emotional situation. Without proper planning, it could end up into yelling or bickering as you and the other people involved can easily get caught up with your emotions.
Often, when you get into a conflict, you start to create inaccurate assumptions toward other people involved. Holding onto these assumptions is a barrier to effective conflict resolution as you treat other people involved based on the assumptions you have on them. If you really want to work things out in your family, then you need to let go of these assumptions.
In order for you and your family to come up with a solution that works well for everyone, you need to let go of your underlying interests as they can get in the way of coming up with an effective conflict resolution.
Tips for Dealing with Arguments in the Family
The following tips below can help you deal better with arguments in the family specifically with your husband/wife, teenager, and managing conflict between kids.
Managing Conflict Between Husband and Wife
Whether you like it or not, you will have disagreements with your husband or wife. Studies from the University of Denver reveal that how couples communicate and manage conflict determines whether they’ll end up in divorce or long-lasting marriage. So, if you want your marriage to last, you need to learn how to effectively handle conflict with your partner.
Here are some tips on how you and your husband or wife can deal with conflict in your relationship:
- Stay calm
When you’re angry, you can easily throw insults without even thinking about it. When your emotions get in the way of logic, you end up hurting each other more with the original problem remaining unsolved. If you cannot control your anger, then it’s best to set a time to discuss your problem when both of you have cooled down.
- Focus on the problem
One of the common mistakes couples make when resolving conflict is focusing on each other’s faults instead of the problem. Healthy couples do not do that; they address the conflict. If you want to effectively resolve the issues in your relationship, then you need to stop looking at each other’s faults and shift your focus on the main problem.
- Actually listen
There is a difference between hearing and listening. When you’re merely hearing what the other person says, you wait for him/her to finish talking before your make your own point. This is not an effective way to address your conflict. Listening to your partner means empathizing to what he/she says. You state how he/she feels and mirror it back to him/her. In this way, you make him/her feel that he/she is understood, and this encourages your partner to do the same thing for you.
- Find a win-win solution
You can apply Dr. Susan Heitler’s win-win waltz. It starts with the recognition of the conflict followed by exploring solutions for the problem and then choosing one that addresses all concerns. According to Dr. Heitler, this collaborative way of solving a problem leaves both parties feeling good.
Managing Conflict with Teens
As your child reaches adolescence, there are certain changes in his/her brain. This explains your teen’s behavior including his/her impulsiveness. This and the hormonal changes that take place during adolescence can get you and your teen into occasional disagreements. Here are some tips on how to deal with it without creating strain in your relationship:
- Allow your teen to express himself/herself
It’s typical for many teens to protest on house rules or your expectations. Let him/her express himself/herself in these situations and take time to understand what he/she is actually saying. Acknowledge what he/she says and give your own side of the story.
- Set clear consequences for behavior
Be firm with your rules and make it clear to your teen that certain actions will not be tolerated. When your teen breaks any of these rules, follow through your agreed consequences without getting into a fight with him/her. Stay as calm as possible.
Managing Conflict Among Children
Disagreements can also happen between your kids from time to time. Hence, it’s important also to teach your kids how to effectively handle conflict among themselves.
- Teach that each one should have a chance to speak
Teach your children that the way towards effective conflict management is through working together. So, each one must be given the chance to express himself/herself without yelling or name-calling. You may intervene from time to time to remind them if things aren’t doing well.
- Talk to each child
If the disagreement is more serious, then you may have to talk to each child to find out the underlying problem and encourage the involved children to express themselves.
- Be their role model
Kids learn from you by watching from what you say and do. Set a good example by handling conflict in your family the way you want your kids to handle their own disagreements.
Conflict in the family is unavoidable but by learning how to handle it well, you can turn family disagreements into opportunities for relationship growth.
If you’re feeling anxious or unsure about how to deal with these disagreements or rifts in your relationship, then I can help you through hypnotherapy. I have helped clients through hypnosis in dealing better with relationship issues including breakups and depression in the relationship. By getting into hypnotherapy, you can gain more self-confidence and better outlook on your relationship.
I’m a certified hypnotherapist, and I’ve dealt with a wide range of problems including anxiety, obesity, addiction, depression, and a whole lot more. If you’re ready to give hypnosis a try, you can contact me here.