I don’t trust my boyfriend / girlfriend – How to regain trust in the relationship
When we read statistics such as 75% of men and 71% of women regularly lie to their partners, it is no surprise that trust can be a significant issue for people. As we know, trust is the foundation for a healthy relationship. Whether the relationship is with friends, family or a partner, trust is important. So, what happens when you don’t trust anyone and what can you do to restore and build trust?
According to Psychology Today, one of the main reasons why a relationship fails is down to trust. As Preston Ni says; “Lack or loss of trust is one of the most harmful contagions to a couple’s long-term success.” Many of us will consider the rule of ‘once bitten, twice shy’ when it comes to a breakdown of trust. However, by focusing on past trust issues, it is difficult to move on and let anyone else in.
How lack of trust affects us
In daily life, we have to put trust in almost everyone we encounter. For example, we trust road users to drive in accordance with the law. We put trust in people that they take their responsibilities seriously. Likewise, others put trust in us that we abide by our obligations too.
In a relationship, trust helps to make a relationship healthy, enjoyable and fun. When you have trust, you allow yourself to share your hopes, dreams, fears and secrets. You get to grow as a couple as well as grow your personal relationship with yourself. When you cut off trust with others, you end up affecting your own happiness as well as being detrimental to your relationship.
Without trust, you can’t let anyone in, and by not allowing anyone in, you miss out on the chance to build fulfilling relationships and enjoy developing your personality. So, how can you help to cast the burden of lack of trust? Here are some simple steps you can take to build confidence in yourself and in your relationship.
Three ways to build trust in yourself
- Accept your flaws
One of the ways we lack trust is by portraying a different version of reality to stop us getting hurt. Accept your flaws and that you might be using your lack of trust to build a barrier. While it may not be easy, you can start to welcome people into your life.
- Move on
It is human nature to dwell on unfairness, pain, unjust situations and people who have wronged us. Whether it is infidelity or another break down of trust, it is important to move on. Do not last past mistakes get in the way of your future happiness.
- Don’t project
Accept that your feelings are your own. If you have a lack of trust, it is your feelings that you have to deal with. Try not to project them onto someone else. Instead, try and believe in the inherent goodwill of others.
If you need help to build trust in yourself, then hypnotherapy can certainly help you to put past issues to bed so that you can understand and accept your feelings and have to tools you need to move on.
How to build trust in a relationship
- Set out expectations
For fear of scaring others off, we often hold back on admitting our true wants, needs and expectations. However, by having the conversation early, you can establish the requirements you both have so that you can build trust in the future.
- Stick to your word
Once you have laid out expectations that you expect others to follow, then you should follow them too. Try to keep your promises, whether it is saying you will meet at a specific time or do the washing up. By keeping small promises, you build a bigger level of trust.
Mistakes will always happen. It is not the mistakes that dissolve the trust; it is holding on to errors that erode trust over time. After you receive an apology and accept it, then you need to move on so you can rebuild the trust.
- Accept feedback
Criticism and feedback is a natural part of any relationship, and it is essential to learn how to accept this. Try to understand things from a different point of view. By struggling to take criticism may mean your partner sugar-coats feedback or lies in the future to stop you being hurt. These may be seen as a betrayal of trust in the future.
- Be you
Despite being in a committed relationship, it is essential to recognise that you are still two individuals. Make the time to work on your own personal goals, and you will see it benefiting your relationship as you grow together.
Learning how to trust
If you want to build trust in yourself to improve your relationships, then hypnotherapy can help. By finding a clearer outlook, you regain a sense of power which will help you to build trust with yourself and with others too. If you would like help to restore confidence with hypnotherapy, then call 0203 937 8883 for a free 15-minute call with Mindy, an expert Harley Street hypnotherapist.
HuffPost. (2018). The Lie 43% Of Women Tell Their Partners In Bed. [online] Available at: https://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/02/09/sex-lies-the-normal-bar_n_2649606.html?utm_hp_ref=women&ir=Women [Accessed 6 Feb. 2018].
Psychology Today. (2018). 5 Ways to Build Trust and Honesty in Your Relationship. [online] Available at: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/compassion-matters/201506/5-ways-build-trust-and-honesty-in-your-relationship [Accessed 6 Feb. 2018].
Psychology Today. (2018). Top 10 Reasons Relationships Fail. [online] Available at: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/communication-success/201507/top-10-reasons-relationships-fail [Accessed 6 Feb. 2018].